今天谈谈翻译,原文取自毛姆的长篇小说the moon and sixpence 第56节,前面讲述英国天才画家strickland,辗转流落到南太平洋小岛塔希提作画,他忍受在当地传染的麻风病痛苦,终于完成一幅伟大的壁画,他死去后,一位医生赶来看望,此段便是医生面对壁画的感受。
it filled him with an emotion which he could not understand or analyse. he felt the awe and the delight which a man might feel who watched the beginning of a world. it was tremendous, sensual, passionate; and yet there was something horrible there, too, something which made him afraid. it was the work of a man who delved into the hidden depths of nature and had discovered secrets which were beautiful and fearful too. it was the work of a man who knew things which it is unholy for men to know. there was something primeval there and terrible. it was not human. it brought to his mind vague recollections of black magic. it was beautiful and obscene.
上海译文社出了一个傅惟慈的译本,号称“名著名译”,我认为,盛名之下其实难副,傅译对不起毛姆,请看:
他心中出现了一种既无法理解、又不能分析的感情。如果能够这样比较的话,也许一个人看到开天辟地之初就是怀着这种欣喜而又畏服的感觉的。这幅画具有压人的气势,它既是肉欲的,又充满无限热情。与此同时它又含着某种令人的恐惧的成分,叫人看着心惊肉跳。绘制这幅巨作的让你已经深入到大自然的隐秘中,探索到某种既美丽、又可怕的秘密。这个人知道了一般人所不该知道的事物。他画出了的是某种原始的、令人震骇的东西,是不属于人世尘寰的。库特拉斯医生迷迷糊糊地联想到黑色魔法,既美得惊人,又污秽邪恶。
大家知道,毛姆善讲故事,语言结构简单,通俗易懂,类似中国话本小说,译者依葫芦画瓢就是了,然而,这位老先生倒好,说来还是翻译老手,打乱原作语言结构,结果弄得译文更加欧化,增字太多,失去分寸,硬伤如“绘制这幅巨作的让你——”,是让你吗?目中无人的画家才懒得让你呢,他甚至临死前交代妻子:“一把火烧了!”他是孤芳自赏,自娱而不娱人。最可惜的是,原文两处排比视而不见,大大削弱了原文的气势,当然,我站着说话不怕腰痛,也是眼高手低,现在我试译如下,就敎于各位同学。
此画使他满怀一种无法理喻或细说的情感,他感到敬畏和喜悦,这怕是见过世界之始的人才会有的。画作咄咄逼人,肉欲,热情;却也包含某种恐怖,某种让他害怕的东西。此画,其作者,已深入大自然隐秘,发现了美丽又可怕的秘密。此画,其作者,已知为人知之不恭的事情。画作既原始又可怖,非人类所为。此外,他还隐隐约约忆及那些见不得人的鬼把戏,美丽又邪恶。
2012-2-26
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